The Satanic ACHOO CatA Tribute to Greg!
by The Sugar Plum Fairy
Summary: Nick has to hid a killer cat from the CSI's! Some corny GS! Please R&R!


'Please Greg' begged Catherine, 'Just for today?'  
  
'So you want me to hide a cat in my lab and make sure noone sees it?' asked Greg.  
  
'Yes' pleaded Catherine before encouragingly saying, 'Go on'.  
  
'Because' Greg, 'It's a birthday surprise for Lindsey and her birthday's not until tomorrow?'  
  
'Yes'  
  
'But why do I have to keep it a secret from the others?' inquired Greg.  
  
'Because' said Catherine for the hundredth time, 'Grissom is strict about the no animals rule in the lab, Sara is allergic to them, Nick has a phobia of cats and Warrick just plain scares cats.please I'll owe you one.'  
  
'You already owe me one after I checked the McDonalds you bought Lindsey for dangerous preservtives' he paused looking at Catherine's desperate face, 'Ok but just this once and just for this shift' he conceded.  
  
Catherine's pager went off just as she deposited the cat on the table, 'Got to go' she yelled leaving the room.  
  
'Isn't the cat meant to have a cage?' Greg called after her.  
  
'Don't worry he's real friendly' Catherine shouted from round the corner.  
  
Greg looked at the cat. It certainly did not look friendly- it was hissing, baring its fangs and had blazing red eyes. Greg turned away just in time as the cat pounced, it's sharpened claws just missing him but knocking over the 'vital' DNA Grissom had just brought into the lab. 'You damn cat' screamed Greg, 'If I go down I'm taking you with me!' As if by magic the cat suddenly sat down under the desk and fell asleep oblivious to the mess it had caused. Seconds later Grissom walked in. 'Please tell me that is not my DNA all over the desk' said Grissom with a raised eyebrow, 'What happened?'  
  
'I was erm practicing erm my erm scuba diving' lied Greg.  
  
'But your inside and there is no water' said Grissom dubiously.  
  
'I'm practicing erm my erm putting on my erm wetsuit' said Greg.  
  
'But where is the wetsuit?' asked Grissom  
  
'I was imagining the wetsuit' Greg lied again, feeling rather stupid.  
  
'And you ruined the DNA while imagining a wetsuit?' asked Grissom before walking out of the lab, shaking his head, 'You and me in my office later'.  
  
The moment Grissom walked out of the lab the cat came back to life again. It went beserk! It flew at Greg scratching him, knocking files over and ruining furniture. Hearing some loud and rather unusual sounds coming from the lab, Sara walked in. 'Greg whats going on? She asked and after looking at the scratches on his arms and face she added, 'Where did you get all those cuts from?' Before he could reply she sneezed. Not just a normal sneeze and not just once. The whole lab shook as she launched into a sneezing spectacular. 'Greg ACHOO have you been ACHOO near any cats ACHOO recently?' she asked him whilst looking at him through her now watering eyes.  
  
'Yes, my new erm girlfriend has one' he said out of the top of his head before realising he could explain the cuts, 'it scratched me'. Luckily Sara's eyes were watering so badly she could not see the cuts were fresh.  
  
'I've just got ACHOO to go' she called running out of the door. Greg heaved a sigh of relief as he looked at the evil cat. It seemed to have settled down. Greg got back to work. Moments later he heard a huge ripping sound and felt claws pulling down his back and shoulders. 'YOW' he screamed-it really hurt! 'Pardon' said Nick who had just wondered by the lab and heard Greg scream. This time the cat didn't let go. It just held onto Greg's back with it's very sharp claws whilst Nick started a conversation meaning he couldn't yank the cat off without scaring Nick with the cat.  
  
'I ow fell and ow got some OW paper cuts from the ow files' he said hoping his explanation would mean Nick left so he could deal with the cat.  
  
'The dangers at work these days' sighed Nick before launching into a story, prolonging Greg's agony, 'I was watching this program on the discovery channel and it was talking about an experiment which took place in a lab in..' Greg was in agony- he could feel his skin been pulled off his back. He waited as long as he could until he could not bear it any longer. 'I've got to tidy this mess, bye' he said shoving Nick out of the room rudely.  
  
'Young people these days' sighed Nick as he walked off, wondering why the hairs on the back of his neck were standing on end and why he had goose bumps since he was not scared.  
  
Much to Greg's disappointment the Cat returned to it's usual self after Nick left and started attacking him again. This time Greg just couldn't cope and curled up into a tiny ball on the floor whilst the cat tried it's best to hurt him. Soon Greg no longer felt the pain. 'Greg why the hell are you on the floor? You're meant to be watching the cat' said Catherine.  
  
'Cath, that cat is pure evil- its satanic, it's the devil in disguise, its plain horrible' he tried to explain.  
  
'Are we talking about the same cat?' asked Catherine, 'The cat who is sat in my arms purring away? What is the matter with you?' she turned to the cat, 'Is uncle Greggy being mean to Mr Toodles?'  
  
At this point Grissom, Nick, Sara and Warrick walked in.  
  
'Got the results yet?' asked Grissom. Warrick always had a bad effect on cats, and today was no exception. They sensed him before he saw them and they went ballistic. 'MEOW' went the cat exceptionally loudly. Hearing this Catherine and Greg suddenly to the surprise of Grissom, Sara, Nick and Warrick, went 'MEOW MEOW MEOW'  
  
'Are you guys ok?' asked Nick genuinely concerned for his friends.  
  
'It's just erm our erm new greeting' said Catherine before leaving Greg to continue.  
  
He paused and quickly added, 'We saw it on a erm film and erm decided it was erm funny so erm adopted it as erm our new thing' he finished brightly.  
  
The cat however had other ideas and started hissing violently, prompting Greg and Catherine to hiss, shocking Grissom, Sara, Nick and Warrick.  
  
Greg felt and urge to explain, 'The erm people in the film erm did this when erm other people erm walked in the room erm its really funny erm if you've seen the film' Catherine looked at Greg in disbelief before agreeing profoundly.  
  
In the meantime Sara had started to sneeze violently and tears had begun to roll down her cheeks. 'You ACHOO sure spent a ACHOO lot of time with that ACHOO girl and her ACHOO cat' sneezed Sara. Greg's reaction was not quite what Sara or any of the other CSI's quite expected. The cat had started licking Greg's ankles causing him to burst into laughter.  
  
'Greg, its not ACHOO funny I can really ACHOO get seriously ACHOO ill' yelled Sara as more tears rolled down Greg's cheeks- he was really ticklish. 'You have big ACHOO problems, Greg ACHOO Sanders' she yelled before running out of the room. 'That's going to be a long chat in my office' added Grissom before running after Sara rather too concerned for a boss with his colleague.  
  
As soon as Sara left the room the cat moved stopping Greg's laughter, since it caught sight of the cream Catherine had secretly put down whilst everyone was watching Sara and Greg. 'That just wasn't funny'said Nick as he left the room, muttering 'Youngsters today' under his breath.  
  
'I'll handle Greg' said Catherine hoping that Warrick would leave. Luckily Warrick took the hint and left. AS soon as he was out of earshot Catherine burst into apologies- 'I'm so sorry Greg that cat is satanic it has just got to go- imagine what it could do to Lindsey' 'Lindsey? What about me? It scratched me, ruined my office and made all my colleagues hate me!'  
  
Outside the CSI's were curious. Catherine and Greg had been in there for a long time. 'Oh My God' said Sara suddenly- 'Why didn't we see it earlier- they're together'  
  
'Of course they're together- they are in the same lab' said Nick stupidly.  
  
'No I mean together as in 'I love you' together' said Sara looking at a rather pleased Grissom for the last part of the sentence.  
  
'They did say they saw the film together' remembered Warrick, 'and how often do we see films together- NEVER'  
  
'That's kind of gross-she is older than him' pointed out Nick.  
  
'They're in love' argued Sara her eyes meeting Grissoms, 'You can't argue with love'  
  
'That explains why Greg is acting so weird- he's scared of what we'll say' said Grissom filling in the missing pieces- 'We ought to let them know I don't mind relationships between staff as long as they don't interfear with work' he said looking pointedly at Sara.  
  
They walked in and looked at Greg and Catherine who was now tending to Greg's wounds. 'We know what's going on' said Grissom, but before he could continue Greg burst in, 'I want you to know I only agreed to do it because Catherine asked me' said Greg knowing his job could be on the line.  
  
'I thought you said they were in love' said Warrick to Sara.  
  
'You still enjoyed it though?' said Sara determined to be right  
  
'Enjoyed the experience? Look at the cuts on my arms!' exclaimed Greg. 'She's beating you?' said Grissom in disbelief. He would never have guessed Catherine was so violent.  
  
'She's a he actually' said Greg thinking they were talking about Mr Toodles. 'WHAT?' 'GROSS' 'Cath you kept that well covered' 'Greg how can you do that kind of thing with a he?' 'You look so feminine Cath' 'Did the operation hurt?' Nick asked and then added after seeing Catherine's blank face, 'You know the chop chop?' he said gesturing with his arms.  
  
'What are you talking about?' asked Catherine and Greg simultaneously 'You know' said Grissom trying to put it delicately, 'The fact you two guys- I did not mean that as in you're a man Cath more as in you friends' said Grissom digging a deeper hole.  
  
'What he's trying to say is that we don't mind if you too are going out, although we think its mean to beat Greg and that it is ok with us if you used to be a man' said Sara bluntly. This prompted Catherine and Greg to burst into laughter which the other CSI's did not find very funny since Catherine's little problem was not a laughing matter.  
  
Catherine bent down and picked up Mr Toodles whilst Greg explained that he was looking after the killer cat for Catherine. The CSI's did not quite believe him- it was a bit farfetched until the cat came into sight causing chaos in the room.. The cat saw Warrick and for an unexplained reason went beserk- hissing, scratching and running around the room, Nick saw the cat and went crazy- he ran out the room shouting 'HELP ME HELP ME SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME', Sara saw the cat and here eyes started watering more heavily and she launched into her sneeze spectacular again so that all that could be heard was hissing, screaming and sneezing. Grissom surveyed the situation and then took hold of Greg's shoulder whilst saying' My office. Now' Soon all that was left in the office was Mr Toodles who sat purring peacefully waiting for the next victim to adopt what looked like an innocent cat but what was really hell warmed up! 


End file.
